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Invader_Tim
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Birthday: 10/1/1968
Gender: Male
Interests: God, my friends, monkey tag, video games, airsoft, grilling
Expertise: zombies, fighting zombies with firearms, fighting zombies with bladed weapons, fighting zombies with blunt objects, fighting zombies with kitchen appliances, fighting zombies with gardening tools, fighting zombies with writing utensils, fighting zombies with a copy of the Encyclopedia Britanica, fighting zombies with d-pad, fighting zombies with analog stick, fighting zombies with guncon, fighting zombies with nintendo zapper, fighting zombies with WASD setup, fighting zombies with jello, fighting zombies with a plunger, fighting zombies with Elvis, fighting zombies with judo, fighting zombies with CQC, fighting zombies with the good book, fighting zombies with the Necronomicon, fighting zombies with event cards, fighting zombies with household chemicals, fighting zombies with alliteration, fighting zombies with iambic pentameter, fighting zombies with parrallel structure, fighting zombies with extended metaphors
Occupation: Supervisory
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/27/2002
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| I had the weirdest dream ever last night.
In the dream, I was Chris Farley, still alive in 2008. I was part of a sketch on an unknown comedy show with Jonah Hill, and someone else that I can't seem to remember. Will Forte was there too.
I'm not sure who that third person was. It could have been Heath Ledger(I might only be bringinf him up because he's dead, just like Chris Farley!), but it could be someone different entirely.
Anyways, in this dream, we were performing a fairly heavy-handed political commentary of U.S. foreign policy, but it was actually funny. Maybe it wasn't the most poignant satire, but at least it wasn't that really lame SNL political humor that's on these days.
It began with Will Forte in the living room of his presumably suburban home. He was reading the paper or something like that. The doorbell rang. He went to answer the door only to have it kicked in by me(Chris Farley) and Jonah Hill. We were wearing U.S. military gear. We screamed something about how we were marines and pushed him up against the wall. Our commanding officer followed in after us(could be Heath Ledger, not sure though).
He barked some order about setting up a base of operations. Jonah Hill promptly ran into the next room and came back into the room, rolling in a conveniently located cart that had some kind of computer and a bunch of little monitors on it. A little satellite dish stuck out of the top of this unit which made it really clear that it was some kind of communications array.
Our commander went over to the thingamabob, pushed some buttons, tweaked some knobs and tried to reach headquarters. An order came through that we were pulling out of the town. He kicked the cart without hesitating and it flew off the stage. He told us to cut our losses and get to the rendezvous as quickly as possible before running out of the house like a coward and muttering something about the unfriendly locals.
Jonah Hill and I started freaking out and screaming about how FUBAR-ed the mission had become. I let go of Will Forte who then ran and took cover behind a couch. Me and Jonah Hill started knocking crap over and ripping stuff off of the walls. We both screamed, jumping up and down, and ran up to each other in the middle of the room, at which point Jonah Hill screamed, "I GOTTA SHIT" and ran into the bathroom on stage left. He sat down and would periodically stick his head out of the bathroom to make some funny, vulgar remark in typical Jonah Hill fashion.
I started complaining about how I had to go too and so I promptly dropped my drawers(my junk concealed by my body armor) and either for real or through some fancy costume mechanism started dropping turds all over the stage, kicking them around in my panic. Jonah Hill then runs out of the bathroom for some reason(maybe the enemy was near?) and goes all the way out the door with his pants around his ankles. I then freaked out and ran after him. Will Forte is horrified by the devastation as he looks on from behind his upholstered bunker.
So... fucked... up.
Addendum: Obviously I had to rehash this in my head a little to remember it all, but part of the reason why I remember this dream so clearly is because of the distinct urge to shit overwhelmed at the end of the dream. I woke up, thinking I might have shit all over the floor or on my bed. I panicked, thinking that I genuinely had to shit and ran to the bathroom. I didn't really have to, but the sensation made the dream more memorable.
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| Here was a man a man who was born in a small village the son of a peasant woman
He grew up in another small village
Until he reached the age of thirty he worked as a carpenter
Then for three years he was a traveling minister
But he never traveled more than two hundred miles from where he was born
And where he did go he usually walked
He never held political office he never wrote a book never bought a home
Never had a family he never went to college and he never set foot inside a big city
Yes here was a man
Though he never did one on the things usually associated with greatness
He had no credentials but himself he had nothing to do with this world
Except through the devine purpose that brought him to this world
While he was still a young man the tide of popular opinion turned against him
Most of his friends ran away one of them denied him
One of them betrayed him and turned him over to his enemies
Then he went through the mockery of a trial
And was nailed to a cross between two thieves
And even while he was dying his executioners gambled
For the only piece of property that he had in this world
And that was his robe his purple robe
When he was dead he was taken down from the cross
And laid in a borrowed grave provided by compassionate friends
More than nineteen centuries have come and gone
And today he's a centerpiece of the human race
Our leader in the column to human destiny
I
think I'm well within the mark when I say that all of the armies that
ever marched All of the navies that ever sailed the seas
All of the legislative bodies that ever sat and all of the kings that ever reigned
All of them put together have not affected the life of man on this earth
So powerfully as that one solitary life
Here was a man
- Johnny Cash
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| Are you bored out of your skull? Are you reading this on a Monday by any chance? Do you live in the Chicagoland area?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should go see That's Weird Grandma. It's a show consisting of short plays adapted from stories written by elementary school kids in Chicago. It's hilarious, and you should all go.
That's Weird Grandma @ The Neo-Futurarium
It's performed by Barrel of Monkeys, a theater company which rents out the Neo Futurarium on Monday nights at 8 PM. If you're trying to figure out something to do with the rugrats, it's totally kid-friendly. Go. Enjoy it.
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| Okay, so there's this halloween website that I've been trying to remember the name of for weeks and it just hit me tonight.
Fright Catalog is a fantastic halloween site with lots of cool stuff on it. They used to have a better inventory with stuff like really advanced animatronics but it looks like they've downsized a bit.
Even so, when I found this site today I was super excited because I've been dying to find it for so long.
Explore it. There's a lot of stuff on this site and if you don't explore it, it seems to have a lot less than it does.
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| 14-Year Old Shooter Opens Fire at Cleveland School
Student Kills Self, Wounds Four at Cleveland School
A friend of the shooter told CNN that the 14-year-old often talked
about how he "worshipped the devil" and said if he shot up the school
he would let the young man and another friend go.
Another student said, "I knew that dude was crazy, man. He
always wore a trench coat." He also said the student wore a visible
pistol belt around his leg (with no gun in it) to school on several
occasions and that at least one teacher was aware of it and saw the gun
belt but took no action.
Fucking brilliant. That's just what we need. Ignorant quotes like this being plastered up in the media.
Just when you thought the dumbass Virginia Tech paranoia was over, some dumbass kid has to do some dumbass thing like this which gives a whole bunch of other dumbasses justification to pass dumbass legislation. Argh! Dumbasses!
Seriously though... it's rotten that something like this happened. Something that was probably preventable, however instead of common sense discipline being applied in schools, people will lobby for expensive metal detectors in every school, creepy-as-hell DHS programs, and the most paranoid of school boards will ban kids from wearing trench coats. And let's not forget.... gun control!
I know of a student who was suspended for having a bullet casing on a necklace at my high school post Columbine. It was before my time, I wasn't around for it. Post 9/11 I see a student at the same school wearing the same kind of necklace but it's no biggie because we were only supposed to worry about brown people after 9/11.Now that there's been another high school shooting, commence paranoia!
In light of the Violent Crimes Reduction Bill being passed in the UK(places restrictions on already strictly regulated replica guns in a country where real guns are extremely difficult to get), this doesn't bode well for airsofters in the U.S. since the kid liked wearing gun belts to school. But whatever, I guess I'm heartless for having such a selfish, insensitive, knee-jerk reaction about something like this.
This also probably means that the challenge to the Illinois Safe Games Act is probably going to fail even though it probably should be challenged.
My heart really goes out to the "creepy" loner kids everywhere, because I've been in that role before where you're everyone's peculiar little whipping boy, and crap like this does not make everyone suddenly act nice to you. It just gives them one more thing to talk shit about. Suddenly teachers who are one of the closest things you have to "friends" start looking at you funny for something as innocent as wearing black or listening to punk rock while everyone else listens to violently explicit rap. You know what's more satanic than a kid who wears a trench coat to school? Your average, middle-school kid who just hit puberty.
You know what? Disregard everything I've said here and go to my April 19, 2007 post just a few posts down. That's slightly eloquent then me being pissed about some moronic trenchcoat-wearing kid with a gun.
I'd probably churn out some more angsty rant but I've got an outrageous amount of homework to get to before the weekend.
Edit: I'm noticing a weird pattern in my xanga, and I'm not sure if I like it. It seems like I always come back and angstily blog when there's an issue of school violence in the media. I'm not sure why I do that. Maybe it's because I can sort of relate to the kids who I know are going to get tormented.
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